Everything Is Conspiring for Your Benefit: Aaron Kennard on Setbacks

Aug 1, 2014

5 min read

Updated: 2 days ago

Every entrepreneur gets knocked down. The danger is what happens next, when one bad deal turns into a story that everything is out to get you. Aaron Kennard, a real estate investor, entrepreneur and author of The Positive Thinking Secret, wrote one line on his paper napkin: "Everything is conspiring for your benefit." He calls it the foundational principle he lives by. It is a chosen belief, not a fact to prove. When he lost $40,000 on a real estate deal, he had no idea how it would benefit him. He had no doubt that it would. That belief kept him out of victim mode and moved him straight to the useful question. What am I going to do about it? For a founder facing setbacks, the payoff is resilience, the ability to stand up again after getting knocked down.

Inspired by Paper Napkin Wisdom Episode 93 with Aaron Kennard.

Why victim mode is so easy to fall into as an entrepreneur

Aaron describes two ways to look at what happens to you. One is victim mode. Everything is out to get me. Nothing seems to be going right. He says that mindset is all too easy to fall into as an entrepreneur, because the challenges and obstacles keep coming.

The trouble is what that story does to today. If he sits and dwells on how much money he lost, and assumes it will probably happen again, it changes the course of his actions. Getting back on the horse gets harder each time, because what is the point if everything is against you?

The other view treats the hard thing as an opportunity. Problems become opportunities from that standpoint. Aaron does not claim to know the benefit in advance. He commits to finding it.

How one belief changes your reaction to a loss

Aaron signed the papers on that property and took the loss. He did not stew on it. His response was close to this. That happened. Somehow it will be for my benefit. I don't know how. I will do my best to find the good in it.

In his view a setback either teaches you a lesson or puts you where you need to be. Either way, the energy goes into creative thinking instead of wallowing. How am I going to benefit from this? What am I going to do now?

When I pushed him to put on the practical entrepreneur hat, this was his answer. The belief does not make losses disappear. It keeps him from getting so discouraged or overwhelmed that no productive action can happen. That is what he means by resilience.

Does this mean you stop feeling fear or overwhelm?

No. Aaron is open about that. He does feel fear. He still gets frozen sometimes, more by overwhelm than fear. The morning we spoke, he had come back from a trip, faced a pile of tasks, felt down and just wanted to sleep. He knew what would make him feel better and was still resisting it.

What helped was his routine for those moments. Get back to feeling good first, often with a quick run. Then write out what he has to do and make a priority list, instead of carrying it all in his head.

He also applied the belief to the low moment itself. Maybe the benefit was understanding what people go through so he can help them. Maybe it was being reminded that life is not always easy. He was not trying to stay there. He was observing it and looking for what he could learn.

Where the belief came from: a sore throat and five thank yous

Aaron grew up with a version of this belief from a religious background. It became a deep conviction later. In 2011 he had a sore throat that lasted a month. He had seen several doctors and it would not go away. He had just finished reading Napoleon Hill, whose line he loves: "Every adversity brings an equivalent or greater advantage."

One night, annoyed and lethargic, he decided to say thank you for five things every time he swallowed and it hurt. He started to feel better. Then it hit him. The pain was a built-in alarm clock, a constant reminder to express gratitude.

That night he felt in control of his feelings and his life. He woke up the next day full of joy, still in pain. He says that experience increased his capacity to handle much greater challenges later. Every challenge you work through builds capacity for the next one.

How to practice this belief so it becomes a habit

Aaron's core practice is daily affirmations. Most of us default to the negative when something hard happens. Affirmations are how he installs a different default.

The practice is simple. Set three reminders a day, morning, midday and night. Each time, repeat to yourself that everything is conspiring for your benefit. Look at your actual circumstances and ponder why that might be true, even when it is hard to see. He runs a program that guides people through this for thirty days.

He is firm about one thing. Saying it while deep down you think it is a lie is pointless, maybe even harmful, because you end up in discord with yourself. If you feel resistance, work through it. Ask yourself why. Get to the place of believing it, then repeat it. He also points out you do not have to prove the statement. It is a choice, and you can go test it.

How to apply this in your business this week

I wonder how much of an owner's energy goes into reliving the last loss. Aaron's approach gives that energy a job.

Write his napkin line somewhere you will see it, and set three phone reminders a day to read it.
At each reminder, look at one current problem and write down one way it might benefit you or the business.
Notice where you feel resistance to the line. Write down the reason, then ask whether it holds up.
When a task list freezes you, move first. Then get every task out of your head and onto paper in priority order.
After the next setback, ask what you are going to do now before you ask why it happened.

The event does not define you. The action you take next does.