Challenge Builds Character - Patrick Ellis (President, Blue Note Wines)

Patrick Ellis is the President of Blue Note Wines & Spirits. While he is passionate about wine, he is also passionate about family and, as I learned when I spoke with him, there are similarities in his approaches to business and family. It was in regard to those similarities that Patrick directed his Paper Napkin Wisdom: “Raising children should be approached as one would grow a vineyard to produce amazing wines. You need to know when to clip back the vines and when to let them flourish. You can only guide – you cannot force the character. Lush, green, overly rich settings will make the wine flabby and uninteresting. The vines need to fight through challenging soils and conditions to develop their character.” Lengthy as his Paper Napkin Wisdom was, Patrick joked, “I filled my napkin like I play golf. I like to explore all aspects of the golf course.” Patrick shared with me that he is troubled by much of the parenting he observes and, when given a forum to talk about it, he does so as a way of confronting those frustrations. He felt that Paper Napkin Wisdom was just such a forum because parenting is a form of leadership and a lot of the methods with which he approaches being a father to his three daughters have parallels in other parts of his life. As with business, Patrick and his wife felt that it was important to bring a plan to parenting, so as to make the process thought-out and dynamic, rather than random. They started with a singular intention – to raise fully accountable, responsible members of society – and almost all decisions dovetailed into that. One example is that, when Patrick’s daughters turned ten, their allowances were bumped from five dollars a week to one hundred dollars a month, so long as they signed agreements saying that they would no longer ask for anything. By doing this, Patrick helped them start the process of learning to budget but he also included them in the decision-making process. He notes that it was difficult to watch when one of his daughters had spent her monthly allowance and was forced to forego or delay getting something she wanted but the appropriate response was not to reach into his wallet and hand her a twenty. When parents do such things to alleviate their own guilt, it is a selfish act. We will all face challenges and failures in our lives and it is best that children learn that while in a safe environment. Patrick relates misguided parenting to a common misconception about wines. He says that people who know little about wine often see beautiful settings and assume that they must produce great wines but, as his Paper Napkin Wisdom suggests, that is not typically the case. Rather, places like Burgundy, where the vines have to fight to break trough, yield wines with the greatest character. Likewise, Patrick cautions, children are not best raised in easy and rich environments. For those who might question whether Patrick’s approach to parenting is callous, one has only to look at his relationships with his daughters today. They are 20, 22, and 24 – all in university and paying their own room and board. Patrick says that, within the past year, each of his children has sat him down to thank him for their upbringing. They see themselves as ahead of the pack, in terms of maturity and accountability, which is exactly what Patrick and his wife envisioned for their daughters. But, beyond that, they are a loving family. Patrick tries to meet with each of his daughters at least twice a week and he is even invited to go out with them and their friends. Listen to the conversation with Patrick here: